Season #2 | Episode #2 | Choosing My Brain Surgery Date: The Moment It Became Real

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Choosing My Brain Surgery Date: The Moment It Became Real

There are moments in life where you realize something is coming, but it still does not feel real yet. You can think about it. You can talk about it. You can even prepare for it.

But until a decision is made, there is still distance.

That was the space I was living in.

I knew I needed brain surgery. I had already heard the words. I had already felt the weight of that reality. But there was still one thing standing between me and it becoming fully real.

I had to choose a date.

The Comfort of Delay

There is a strange comfort in not deciding.

As long as I had not picked a date, I could still move through life like everything was normal. I could go to work, be present with my family, laugh, joke, and carry on without fully confronting what was ahead.

Because in my mind, if I did not choose the day, I was not there yet.

My wife and I talked through it. Not just from a medical standpoint, but from a life standpoint.

We had holidays coming up. Thanksgiving. Christmas. My birthday in January. We thought about our kids. About family. About not wanting to place something heavy on moments that were supposed to be filled with joy.

So naturally, we asked the question…

How long can we wait?

And in that question, I realized something important.

This was not just about timing.

It was about what choosing that date represented.

When Logic and Emotion Collide

On one side, there was logic. The doctor’s guidance made it clear that this needed to be handled. There was an understanding that waiting too long was not the answer, even if part of me wanted it to be.

On the other side, there was emotion.

There was a desire to hold on to normal life just a little longer. A need to feel like I still had some level of control. A hope that I could create one more stretch of life before everything changed.

And that is where the tension lived.

Because I was not just picking a date on a calendar. I was choosing when my life might change.

That is not a simple decision.

That is not something you rush.

That is something you feel in every part of you.

The Moment Everything Shifted

And then, we picked a date.

That is when everything changed.

It stopped feeling like a situation I was dealing with and started feeling like something I was walking toward. There was no more distance. No more illusion of time. It became real in a way I could not ignore.

Every day felt different after that.

I was no longer just living life. I was counting down.

There is something about knowing when something is coming that changes how you experience time. Moments feel sharper. Thoughts feel heavier. Even normal days carry a different kind of awareness.

Most people do not know the day their life might change.

I did.

And that awareness followed me everywhere.

The Mask I Didn’t Know I Was Wearing

So what did I do?

I put on a mask.

Not because I wanted to hide, but because I felt like I had to be strong for the people around me. My wife. My mom. The ones who knew what I was facing.

I could see it in their eyes. The concern. The shift in energy. The way people start to treat you differently when they know something is wrong.

And I understood it.

Because to them, I was not just me anymore. I was someone facing brain surgery. Someone they could lose. Someone they were worried about.

So I flipped the energy.

I acted normal. I made light of the situation. I carried myself like everything was okay.

And in doing that, I realized something.

I was not just dealing with my fear.

I was managing everyone else’s too.

When Reality Became Constant

But something shifted after I picked the date.

Before, I could escape it at times. I could distract myself. I could move through moments where it did not feel as heavy. There were still pockets of normal life I could step into without fully carrying what was ahead.

That changed.

Once the date was set, it was always there.

Not loud… but constant.

It followed me into everything I did. Conversations felt different. Time felt different. Even moments that should have felt light had a weight to them that I could not ignore.

I was no longer going in and out of the reality.

I was living in it.

There were no more breaks from it. No more moments where I could fully forget. Even when I smiled, even when I laughed, even when life looked normal on the outside…

there was always something running in the background.

A quiet awareness.

A countdown I could feel, even when I was not looking at the clock.

Because once it became real…

there was no turning it off.

When Time Starts Closing In

As the days went on, something else started to happen.

That space I once had began to shrink. The distance between where I was and what was coming got smaller and smaller. What once felt far away started to feel close.

Too close.

I could feel it.

Time was no longer something I was using to create distance. It became something I was watching.

Something I was aware of.

Something I could not ignore.

And eventually, there was no more avoiding it.

At some point, you have to stop delaying.

And face what is in front of you.

A Lesson From My Grandfather

Before closing this chapter, I found myself reflecting on something my grandfather taught me.

Faith is not always loud.

It is not always confident. It is not always something you can clearly explain to other people.

Sometimes, faith is quiet.

Sometimes, it is sitting in uncertainty and choosing to trust anyway. Choosing to believe even when you do not understand what is ahead.

That lesson meant more to me in this moment than it ever had before.

Because this was not a moment where everything made sense.

This was a moment where I had to trust without having all the answers.

Why I Shared This Story

I know there are people reading this who are facing something they wish they could delay.

A decision they are not ready to make. A reality they are not ready to face. A moment they wish they could push just a little further into the future.

If that is you, I want you to know this.

You are not alone.

We all reach moments in life where we are forced to move forward before we feel ready. Moments where standing still feels easier than taking the next step.

But growth often lives in those exact moments.

What Comes Next

Choosing the date was just the beginning.

Because once that decision was made, everything shifted.

I was no longer just living life.

I was counting down.

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If this episode touched you or reminded you of your own strength during difficult seasons, you can help support the mission of this podcast. Your support helps me continue to share stories of faith, resilience, and real life. You can visit BuyMeACoffee.com/TeflonJohn to contribute. Every donation helps expand the message and reach more people who need encouragement. Thank you for walking with me through this journey. One love, be blessed.