Living With a Countdown: When Time Started Moving Different | Season 2 | Episode 3

🎧Listen To The Episode🎧 Spotify

🎧Listen To The Episode🎧 Apple Podcasts

Living With a Countdown

There’s a difference between making a decision… and living with it.

Once the date was set, everything changed. Not in a way that the outside world could see, but in a way that I felt every single day. Life didn’t stop. Responsibilities didn’t pause. Conversations still happened. From the outside, everything looked normal.

But internally… I knew something was coming.

And that changes how you move through life.

Because when you know the exact moment something could shift everything, you don’t just live your days anymore… you feel them differently.

When Reality Settles In

After choosing the date for my brain surgery, I remember sitting with it… trying to process what I had just done.

It didn’t feel real at first. But it didn’t feel distant anymore either. It was somewhere in between.

The conversations with the doctors, the coordination, the details… it all started becoming official. And with that came a weight that I couldn’t ignore.

It felt like I was carrying something heavy that I couldn’t put down.

Not something you could see… but something you felt in your mind, in your thoughts, in quiet moments when everything slowed down.

And no matter what I did… it stayed with me.

When Time Feels Different

Time started moving differently after that.

Not faster. Not slower. Just… different.

Every day felt like it had a direction now. Like it was leading somewhere specific. Something I couldn’t avoid.

I wasn’t just waking up and going through my routine anymore. I was aware of each day in a way I had never been before.

Because every day wasn’t just another day…

It was one day closer.

Trying to Hold On to Normal

And still… I tried to keep everything normal.

I went to work. I stayed consistent. I kept creating. I laughed. I joked. I showed up just like I always had.

Because part of me believed that if I didn’t change anything… maybe it wouldn’t feel as real.

Maybe I could control how it felt by controlling how I lived.

And for moments at a time… it worked.

There were moments where I genuinely felt like myself again. Present. Focused. Normal.

But those moments never lasted forever.

The Back and Forth

Because eventually… it would hit me again.

Out of nowhere.

A quiet moment. A pause. A thought that drifted just a little too far. And suddenly, I was right back in it.

Remembering everything.

Feeling the weight all over again.

There were days where I could go hours… even a couple of days… without really thinking about it.

And then there were days where it stayed on my mind constantly.

That back and forth became the real struggle.

Not knowing which version of the day I was going to get.

When Faith Gets Tested

That’s where the real battle started.

Faith vs fear.

Because it’s easy to say you trust God when life feels manageable. When things are going your way. When nothing is really being tested.

But this was different.

I didn’t know how things were going to turn out. I didn’t have anyone around me who could tell me what to expect from their own experience. I didn’t have a clear picture of the outcome.

All I had… was faith.

And in moments, even that felt like it was being tested.

Because when you’re facing something you can’t control, something you can’t avoid, and something you don’t fully understand…

That’s when you find out what you really believe.

You Can’t Outrun Reality

I tried to stay busy.

I kept myself moving. I kept life going. I stayed engaged in everything I could.

But no matter what I did…

I couldn’t outrun it.

It was always there.

And at some point, I had to stop trying to escape it…

And learn how to live with it.

A Lesson From My Grandfather

My grandfather taught me something that didn’t fully make sense to me until moments like this.

He taught me that faith isn’t always loud.

It’s not always something you say. It’s not always something you show outwardly.

Sometimes, faith is quiet.

It’s trusting God when you don’t know what’s coming next.

It’s moving forward when you don’t have all the answers.

It’s believing… even when you’re unsure.

And in this season… that’s exactly what I had to learn.

Why I Shared This Story

I shared this because I know I’m not the only one who has ever lived in uncertainty.

There are people out there carrying things quietly.

People trying to stay strong while dealing with something heavy.

People showing up every day… while battling internally.

If that’s you… you’re not alone.

We all face moments where life forces us to deal with something we can’t avoid.

What matters is how we walk through it… and what we learn while we’re there.

☕Support The Mission Behind This Story☕

If this episode touched you or reminded you of your own strength during difficult seasons, you can help support the mission of this podcast. Your support helps me continue to share stories of faith, resilience, and real life. You can visit BuyMeACoffee.com/TeflonJohn to contribute. Every donation helps expand the message and reach more people who need encouragement. Thank you for walking with me through this journey. One love, be blessed.