Season #2 | Episode #1 | The Day I Could No Longer Run From Brain Surgery

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The Day I Could No Longer Run From Brain Surgery

There are moments in life when everything changes in an instant. Then there are the moments after, when you are left to sit with what you just heard. When the conversations are over. When the room gets quiet. When life keeps moving, but your mind is trying to catch up.

That was the space I found myself in.

Season 1 ended with the moment I learned I needed brain surgery. It was a heavy moment. A defining moment. But what followed was something different. Something quieter, but just as impactful. It was the beginning of coming to grips with a reality I had not fully accepted yet.

The Illusion of Time

For a long time, I had learned how to live with my diagnosis. Being on a watch and wait plan gave me a sense of control. It allowed me to believe that I still had time. That things were stable. That life could continue without major interruption.

There was comfort in that.

The appointments became routine. The symptoms, while still present, became familiar. Fatigue, pressure, and moments of mental fog were no longer alarming. They were simply a part of my everyday life. It felt like something I could manage.

But when surgery entered the conversation, that sense of control began to fade.

The idea of “having time” started to feel different. What once felt distant now felt close. What once felt manageable now felt real.

And I had to begin facing something I was not ready to fully process.

Life Continued to Move

One of the most difficult parts of that season was realizing that nothing around me stopped.

There was no pause. No moment where everything slowed down so I could fully process what was happening.

I still had to go to work. I still had responsibilities. I still had to show up in my daily life.

On the outside, everything looked the same. Conversations happened. Tasks got done. Life continued.

But internally, there was a shift.

There was a constant awareness that followed me throughout the day. A quiet thought that stayed in the background no matter what I was doing. Sometimes I could push it aside. Sometimes I could distract myself. And sometimes, for brief moments, I could forget it altogether.

But it always returned.

The Thoughts That Followed Me

It was not always the big moments that brought everything back to the surface. Sometimes it was the small, everyday things.

Being in the gym. Recording content. Moving through routines that once felt automatic.

Those moments began to carry new questions.

Would I be able to do this the same way after surgery?
Would I still feel like myself?
Would anything change?

These were not always questions I spoke out loud. But they were there. Present. Steady. And over time, harder to ignore.

Carrying More Than My Own Emotions

At that point, only my wife and my mom knew what was going on.

And I could see it in them. The concern. The shift in their energy. The weight they were carrying.

That was something I was not prepared for.

So I responded the only way I knew how at the time. I tried to make it lighter. I joked about it. I downplayed it. I presented a version of strength that felt easier for them to carry.

Not because I felt that way inside, but because I did not want them to feel overwhelmed.

In doing that, I learned something I had never really thought about before. Sometimes strength is not about how you feel. Sometimes it is about how you choose to show up for others, even when you are unsure yourself.

When Normal Starts to Feel Real Again

As time went on, something subtle began to happen.

The more I acted like everything was normal, the more life started to feel normal again.

I continued working. I continued moving. I continued doing the things I had always done.

There were moments where I laughed. Moments where I felt present. Moments where I felt like myself again.

But those moments were temporary.

Because in between them, there were still quiet reminders. Moments where everything came back into focus. Moments where I would stop and remember what was ahead.

It was a balance between moving forward and being pulled back into reality.

Searching for Answers

Like many people facing uncertainty, I began searching for understanding.

I watched videos. I looked up experiences. I listened to stories from others who had been through similar situations.

Some of what I found gave me hope. Stories of recovery. Stories of resilience. Stories of people returning to their lives.

But there were also stories that made things feel heavier. Stories that introduced more uncertainty. Stories that reminded me that outcomes are not always the same.

And in trying to find clarity, I found myself sitting in a space of mixed emotions.

Hope and fear, both present at the same time.

Where Faith Was Tested

This was the point where something deeper began to take shape.

The tension between faith and fear.

Believing in God had always been a part of my life. But this situation brought a different kind of question. Not just belief, but trust.

Trust without knowing the outcome.
Trust without having control.
Trust in the middle of uncertainty.

It forced me to ask myself something I had not had to answer in this way before.

How strong is your faith when you do not know what comes next?

A Lesson From My Grandfather

My grandfather, James Smith Jr., always taught me that faith is not something that needs to be loud to be real.

It is not always expressed through words. Sometimes it is shown through quiet trust. Through steady belief. Through choosing to stand firm even when things are unclear.

That lesson came back to me in this season of my life in a way that felt different.

Because now I had to live it.

Why I Shared This Story

There are many people who walk through seasons like this without ever speaking about it.

People who carry uncertainty quietly. People who continue to show up while dealing with things internally. People who are doing their best to stay strong while navigating fear.

If any part of this feels familiar to you, I want you to know that you are not alone.

We all face moments where life shifts in ways we did not expect. What matters is how we move through those moments and who we allow to walk with us along the way.

What Comes Next

This part of the journey was only the beginning.

Because there was still something I had not done yet. A decision I had been holding off on.

I had to choose a date.

And once that happened, everything would begin to feel even more real.

Episode 2 is coming soon.

☕Support The Mission Behind This Story☕

If this episode touched you or reminded you of your own strength during difficult seasons, you can help support the mission of this podcast. Your support helps me continue to share stories of faith, resilience, and real life. You can visit BuyMeACoffee.com/TeflonJohn to contribute. Every donation helps expand the message and reach more people who need encouragement. Thank you for walking with me through this journey. One love, be blessed.